I have been approved for a credit card. The system is clearly broken.
7:05am: Alarm. Stretch. Glad it's Friday.
7:08am: Realize it's Tuesday. Day ruined.
8:10am: Dog likes my mom better than me. Look at dog and ask "Why? Look at her, sitting over there all smug with her diabetes... YES I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME AND I HAVE HIDDEN ALL YOUR INSULIN PENS!"
8:23am: Have begun to refer to all my electronic devices as robots. iPhone is PocketBot. TV is ScreenBot. Laptop is Megatron.
9:12am: Realize I'm too awkward for my own good. Think that just might be a language thing. Wonder if there were awkward cavemen. Imagine what they'd be like. One caveman builds fire and everyone is really excited until they notice Awkward Caveman trying to be nonchalant about it off to the side... Don't think dolphins can be awkward. But, to be fair, they're rapists. Always smiling when they rape.
9:30am: Make first delivery. Possibly only delivery.
9:45am: Wait.
10:06am: Get up from desk. Trip. Don't bother getting up.
10:11am: Still on floor.
11:30am: Elderly co-worker arrives. Tells me he's 70 years old for no apparent reason. Goes to desk.
12:42pm: Apply for American Express Zync card in spite of protests over spelling of "Zync."
12:55pm: Machine hyperconsciousness that lives on internet has approved me for credit card. Dance quietly in office so as to not arouse suspicion from elderly co-worker.
1:01pm: Decide to eat lunch. Elderly co-worker joins me. Discuss politics. Know nothing about politics. Subtle attempts made to switch conversation topic. Attempts fail. Many awkward silences.
1:40pm: Elderly co-worker brings up shooting at Sikh temple. Somehow segues this into telling me that his doorman is Indian but he doesn't know from which "sector." Make Green Lantern joke. Unappreciated. Realize nerd.
2:17pm: Answer phone. Forget what to say when answering. Turns into "Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii... You." Wrong number.
3:00pm: Blog?
No comments:
Post a Comment