Jonathan The Mouse

Prepare yourself for The Cock Street Chronicles, part 2... That Time We Had A Mouse.

The Survey

For todays post, we have another adventure in "Why I Should Never Answer The Phone!"

Drive

When I was 16 years old, my parents hired a driving instructor to teach me how to drive. His name was Bob.

Seeing Colors: A Comic In 6 Panels

A woman in England can see 99 million more colors than the average person (Source). As far as I'm concerned, fuck that ability. To illustrate why, I used Marvel's free online comic creator. Enjoy.

Products That Need Better Slogans

Today, I present to you... COPYWRITING GOLD! (with pictures)

Things I Tweet: The News

A couple months ago, I decided that The New York Times was no longer an accurate source for news. So I decided to write the headlines myself. And then tweet them. This is the result.

... Shut up, I know how lazy this post is.

You Can't Hide Forever: A Story About Farts

This is the story of why I didn't get a 2400 on my SATs. 

Roach God (aka The Drunk Poop Incident)

The following occurred over a year ago, when I was living in an apartment on Babcock Street. Welcome to the Cock Street Chronicles, part one. 

The Gay Wingman Incident

About a year ago, a friend of mine asked me to go to a party at his college with him because he needed a trustworthy wingman. Naturally, being awesome, I accepted.

Biscuit

My brother bought a long-haired hamster a few years ago. He named it Biscuit. I thought I would enjoy Biscuit, but I was wrong. Biscuit was horrible.

Day 3: The Institute

The call came without warning.

I mean, sure, there was ringing but that hardly counts. I looked at the caller ID and it said "A Institute." Terrible grammar notwithstanding, I picked up the phone. I could never have prepared myself for what came next...

Day 2: Maturity Will Surely Follow

I have been approved for a credit card. The system is clearly broken.

Day 1: Fluoride & Citrus

The flavor of being a loser is fluoride & citrus.

It's the same flavor you try your best not to taste when you drink orange juice after brushing your teeth. I taste loser in the morning.

This is my story.